Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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