we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
