I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
