Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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