Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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