what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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