I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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