My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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