You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
