He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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