in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
