i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
