i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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