i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
