The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Panties = found
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