p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
