I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
