i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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