Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
