Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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