So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
