I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
