and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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