So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
