My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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