the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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