what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
