It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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