My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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