I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
