Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
