Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
