she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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