Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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