This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
