Say something about gay babies.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
