i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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