Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
