so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
