You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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