First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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