just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my sisters under your porch take her home
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The air taste purple.
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