she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
