non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
