the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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