I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
