Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
