We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
