I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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