Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
