Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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