Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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