Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
