i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
