Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
