I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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