I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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