i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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