If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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