He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
